i should probably be in bed right now seeing as i write my first final tomorrow. but i had a nap today and so if i tried to sleep i dont think i would be very successful.
so im using this time as blogging time seeing as i have no other time to it, since all i do is study these days.

well this week, my heart was saddened by the fact that a very good friend from Zambia, named John Kambulu passed away. I still dont want to believe it. I feel like im in a bad dream and that if i flew back to Zambia today he would meet me at the airport with a huge smile on his face, but the reality is that he won't. I was so blessed to be able to go back to Zambia this summer and really get to know him better. I do have fond memories of him from 2003 but they are not as great as the ones i have from this past summer. So many good memories of sing alongs around the campfire, him coming over for sunday night prayer group, him helping us unpack the container, me and him cracking jokes together, me, tiff and alisha walking through town and hearing someone honking the horn furiously at us, and it being John offering us a ride. John was an amazing guy and everyone who knew him loved him. Zambia will definitely miss him and so will I and everyone else who knew him.

This whole situation made me realize and put alot of things into perspective this week. Before Wednesday i was starting to get really stressed out about school, and finals, and i didnt know how i was going to get all the studying done that i needed to get done, and i was a wreck. But then hearing about Johns death made me slow down and realize that even though school is my life right now and that its very important to me, that in the grand scheme of life it truthfully doesnt matter that much.
So what if i fail a class? it may be an F on my transcript, but who cares. God doesnt look at my transcripts and think "oh man Alicia failed ______ way back in 2nd year university. Thats a point against her" its just a class. thats all it is. there are so many more important things in life. like my family, my friends, my relationship with god. yeah i want to go to school and get a good education and im so blessed that i get the oppurtunity to do that, but why stress about it to the point where i will sometimes even cry because im so worried about it. how is that going to help? its not. so i just need to relax and realize that im going to do as best as i can do. thats all. and if someone else thinks that my trying my hardest deserves a grade of failing then I'm okay with it. Its not going to kill me.


another thing. i really really want to be in africa right now. the other day i was looking at some of kellis pictures from kenya and it made me realize how badly i miss it. i miss the kids, seeing them smile and giggle, the places, the smell, the people, the dancing, the singing, the language. everything. i just want to be there.

but i truthfully should go to bed.
my worst nightmare is that i would sleep through an exam, so i should go to bed so that doesnt happen, even though my exam is at 2:00 pm. It could happen.

but goodluck to all who are writing exams.
and dont stress. its not worth it.