The countdown has begun, only 2 days and then I climb onto a plane and am off to have christmas with the queen. I can't believe its almost already here. It feels like just days ago me, brittany, jon, and jill were coming up with this idea and trying to sell my parents on it, and now its only days away. It doesn't even really feel real yet. It probably won't until I climb off the plane to meet up with Jill in the heathrow airport. Despite how much everyone hates England, I love it and can't wait to go back. Accents, football, tea, Burberry- what more could you ask for. So greatt!!

For some reason, for the last month and a bit I've been thinking alot about the last couple of years of my life and whats going on right now and whats going to happen in the future. Maybe its cause its almost a new year or by nature I'm a overthinker but no matter the reasons its been good to think about.

Its funny how at the time when something bad happens you think nothing can ever be as bad as this or that nothing will ever fix it, and you can't see the good in it. Thats not how it works. It takes time to see it like that.
In the last 3 years alot of change has happened to me and I grew up alot. There was good things, bad things and really ugly things. There were some pretty crappy things that happened to me, and I did some pretty crappy things too, and now thats its been so long since everything happened I've been able to realize that it all happened for a reason even though other people or I couldn't realize it at the time. At the time everything that happened seemed so huge and like such a big deal, but now thats its over and done with I look back and only realize that everything that happened was actually pretty small, but it all fit together to make me who I am today. So even though it was hard I guess i can say I'm happy that it all went down the way it went down cause thats how it was supposed to be.

Thinking about what all happened in the last couple of years got me thinking about our lives and how god has it pretty much mapped out for us but how we make little decisions here and there that could totally change the outcome or put us in a different place. Its weird to think that if I had said one thing differently or spoke up when I was quiet or kept my mouth shut I could be in a different spot than I'm in now. Thinking about how 1 little thing can make a difference got me thinking about this semester and how I was supposed to be in York with Britt. We had it all planned out but then at the last minute it fell through for me and I obviously didn't get to go. At the time, I remember being super upset about it and pretty disappointed that i had to stay in Regina, and probably for the first month I would have rather been in York than here but now that the semester is done and I can look back on it, I realize now that I wasn't supposed to be in York and that if I had gone I wouldn't be hanging out with the people I'm hanging out with, I wouldn't have done the things I've done this semester and I wouldn't be having the fun I'm having and things would be completely different and I would be a different person. This is probably lame, but its kind of like a puzzle, if you look at one piece its nothing but when its in the big puzzle its significant and makes sense. Now I can see how it all fits in and why it happened.

So the here and now. Life is good. I'm just hanging out, having fun, trying to figure things out, getting to hangout with who i need to hangout with and just enjoying life. I can't complain...

That leaves the future. My future has never been more uncertain than it is now but I've finally come to realize that thats okay and I don't have to have things figured out. I do know that I'm taking next semester off again and will just be working and by next fall I'm hoping to be back at school. But other than that its undetermined. I have no clue where I will be, or where school will take me or what gods going to do. But i know it will work out and I will end up where I'm supposed to be and that things will work out accordingly. So I've stopped worrying. It only stressed me out.

So I guess those are my ramblings and my unorganized thoughts. hopefully it made sense. But I should be off, I"m still not packed.
To the two of you that read my blog (which is probably my mom and my sister) merry christmas and I'll tell the queen you say hi.
See you in 2008!