Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Sometimes I feel so inadequate, so unprepared and too small to accomplish the things I want to do. I want to change the world but yet I am one small, insignificant girl from Regina, SK. Who am I to make a difference and change this world. Feeling inadequate hinders me from taking chances, risks and taking steps forward. I fall back on comfortable because I'm inadequate to move forward; I fall back on things I know I am able to do, things that far more match up to my size. Being inadequate has became an excuse for sitting back, for not moving forward out of my comfort zone, for not becoming who I could become if I really tried.

An even greater fear of mine that I cover up with my fear of being inadequate, is the fear of what I truthfully could do and accomplish if I let myself be used. Labelling myself as inadequate sets up a wall against being used and stretched in ways I don't want to be. Sitting back saying who am I to do this, who am I to do that, is far easier than putting yourself in a vulnerable position that you have no control over. Giving up control is never easy, especially if it means uncomfortable and awkward situations may come of it. It's easier to keep control and sit back, then to let go and leave everything you know.

I am terrified by the ways god would use me and stretch me if I honestly let him. Even though its terrifying, it is also so exciting at the endless possibilities I would be faced with and the things I would do and the power I would have. I pray that I will give up that control and that I will let myself be used. Sitting back on comfortable, telling yourself you're inadequate will never get you anywhere and it won't change this world; letting yourself be used in powerful ways will!


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Wiliiamson

5 comments:

chelsey said...

the truth is, we are all inadequate. we really are. but God can use us the best when we feel inadequate because we truly need to lean on him. i have noticed that often the times that i feel like "i can do it!" i end up flopping because i was leaning on my own resources and knowledge.

let yourself be used, and trust that God will do the rest!

dave said...

yes.

so ... about that application eh....




david.turner@africanchildrenschoir.com
let me know if i should send you one! still have holes for the tour starting this fall...

Anonymous said...

hey friend,
good questions. just know that i have seen you open yourself up to god's movement in extraordinary ways this year.

letting yourself be used by God to work with the kids in the Glen Elm community. you may not feel like it is much, but it is bigger than you'll ever know. i know it's hard to open yourself up to something new, but you came into our youth group and gave your life to those kids. and they love you so much for it! that is no small step. to be involved in the lives of hurting teenagers takes a huge leap of faith and an even bigger heart, especially when you don't get paid for it, like i do!!!

not to mention going on LST! that is wild and not many people would give up that much time in their lives to serve God and be used in that way.

anyway, all that to say that you are opening yourself up to God, maybe you just don't see it because the wonderful ways in which you have are becoming normal to you. i am inspired by your spirit and openness!

take that for what it's worth!

Anonymous said...

to my baby Girl!
I believe that it is hard for someone to look at themselves and their own lives and see that they are making a difference. Rather they think and view themselves as being inadequate and not accomplishing much. However, someone from the outside may see something totally different. I see you as having accomplished a lot in this last year and you are probably going to do a lot more in the rest of the year. Being involved in the youth program at church, you have done an amazing job. God has put you into a position of having an amazing effect on the lives of so many of these kids. God has done amazing things thru you with those kids. Don't underestimate your value to those kids and to the youth program. Any time you have an impact on someone it may affect them for the rest of their lives. And your work with LST this summer in Hungary! I can hardly wait to see what and who God has in store for you and the people that you will read with. You have opened yourself up to be used as an instrument of God. And he certainly has used you. I thank God for you everyday, and am very proud of every thing you have done and will do.

Your Dad

Jill Slywka said...

sister. i know how you're feeling, because i feel it too. i've had lots of feelings like this lately, when the 'real world' is about to set in, and i just feel inadequate to do anything, let alone something amazing. but then i remember that i am where i am today because god brought me here, and he gave me the unique talents and abilities that i have for a reason. he will not let my dreams and passions go to waste - but i just have to lean on him and trust him to take me where i need to go.

you are an amazing person, and i'm so proud of the person that you are and are becoming. i'm so happy that you've found purpose and direction in your life. and for the way that you have let yourself be used in the youth program, and LST, and africa. you're just awesome - and i hope you know that i love you so much!

i can't wait to see you in a couple weeks! i'll probably be bawling my eyes out when i pick you up at the airport, because i'm excited to see you, but also out of sheer relief that i am finally done! it will be so good to spend a week with you in quebec city.

love you sister.