It's far easier to close my eyes to things I don't want to see than to keep them open and see all the pain, suffering and injustice.  It's far easier to focus in on my own little world than to realize the massive world that's actually out there. It's far easier to hate my enemy than to love them.  It's far easier to become self absorbed and love yourself than to love strangers.  It's far easier to give up than to stand up for what you believe in.  It's far easier being comfortable than stepping outside lines and comfort zones.
So many things are so much easier, but life isn't meant to be easy...

My constant prayer...
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you loved me 
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for you kingdom's cause 
As I go from earth to eternity

Ever since I've gotten home, I have been in a constant struggle with this place.  Trying not to slide back into the rut that this place has but trying to find out where I belong and how I fit into this city.  Constantly trying to find peace and contentment but ending up with reasons to leave.
I've said it before that this place is bitter sweet to me and it continues to be that way- I love it because it's home and this is where my family and some of my best friends are, but I've changed and this place just doesn't get it, people just don't get it, and I'm itching to get out and see the world.
A little while ago I made a couple realizations; realizations about life, this place and people. It was hard but I also found peace along with them; not peace with this place but peace with who I am and what they meant. I accepted them for what they were and kindof just watched as this place continued to check off reasons of why I should go.
Realizations continue to happen to me though and I realized that I was writing off all the good in this place, forcing myself to see only the bad and all the reasons of why I should go; writing off people with selfish reasons but blaming anyone but myself. Only seeing the bad when there was countless good stacking up beside me. I was blaming this place for problems I was creating myself.
The constant struggle has somewhat been won. I am finally being able to see the good in this place again. The reasons of why it is home and why I love it. Also being to understand a little bit more of what this place means for me and where I fit and finding peace alongside it. Peace and contentment with this place, life and people.
Wanting to travel and see the world was my escape. I love to travel but I mostly wanted to get out because of discontment and the bad in this place.  With realizations that has changed though. I want to travel but not because I want to escape anymore but because it's where my heart is.  Now it's for the right reasons, not just wanting an out. I can leave this place with peace and know that I'll be happy to come home.

I have been feeling really uninspired to write lately. I think its because I have so many other things filling up my time that when I do have a spare moment I either catch up on sleep or do something besides write on here. But I thought I would give it a go and at least let you know I'm still alive and at least trying to make it through this semester.

This semester is quite the semester. When it started I honestly didn't know what I was getting myself into. I'm not saying I don't like it because I do, but at times I honestly don't think there is enough time to fit everything I have to do into a day. If this semester doesn't kill me, then I should be able to handle anything after this. This is the "it" semester for me; the one semester that I really have to do good in. After I make it through this one, it is semi home free for me; 9 classes and a placement. So let's just hope that I make it through this one alive..

Here's a little look into what's keeping me busy this semester:
-research project on cancer mortality rates in the 1930's-1960's and their connection to pesticide usage and water contamination. My program doesn't have an honors option but this project and class is pretty much the equivalent of it. It is definitely keeping me busy and helping me to learn a lot about the research procedure; something that I will most likely be doing a bit of when I hit the real world
-research project on pathological vs. physiological Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. This one is a little less intense because we are just designing a research project and don't actually have to collect the data for it. That takes some pressure off and frees up time to do data collection for my other project
-research paper on FASD and FASD programs among Aboriginal communities
-research paper on similarties between African healthcare and Aboriginal healthcare related to HIV/AIDS
-research paper on the effects of contact and colonization on Aboriginal people
-working on figuring out placements for school-its looking pretty good I will be somewhere international doing something health related for 12 weeks in either the summer or next fall- potentially: malawi, trindad & tobago, india, kenya, or somewhere else in africa..
-youth-still hanging out with those kids each week-no matter how busy I am I will always make time to hangout with those kids
-hockey-I'm playing with some girls I played with years ago on a team in Adult Safe. Pretty sweet to be back
-soccer-moving on up in the soccer world.Playing premier with Tiff's team this year instead. Played my first game tonight and scored a goal. Should be a good season
-work-still at java 2 shifts a week

So that's what I have been up to for the last 2 months and will continue to do until this semester is over. I am trying not to complain and count down the days but it is really hard when your next free day comes after your last final...
Even though I like it I am looking forward to being able to breath, not stress and read something I actually want to read, not just old records of cancer mortality rates...

Well back to it...

It's almost turkey day. A good time of year filled with good food, good friends, family, thankfulness and that crisp feeling in the air. I have had a lot to be thankful for over the last couple of months and so today here is what I am thankful for....

I am thankful for home and being able to come home

I am thankful for old friends

and new friends

I am thankful for new places

and new adventures

I am thankful for unexpected joys found in unexpected places

and for purpose and direction

and for passion

I am thankful for laughs..
and happiness...
and contentment..
and new opportunities..

and the list could go on on on on....

I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the one who makes me who I am.

Meet Joni Patmore...
aka Joni "the chimney sweep" Patmore, or schomes
For those of you that don't know, this lovely lady now has some extra bling that sits on her left ring finger!! I am beyond stoked and excited for her! I had the treat of going on the adventure of a lifetime with this girl this summer. There are few people that I could spend 6 weeks sharing a bed with but this girl is one of those few! A couple of years ago, we had no idea that the other existed and now she is one of my dearest friends. Whether I am in need of a sweet dance party, brutal honesty or someone to listen, I can always rely and trust on this girl! She is beyond fantastic and shares my love of baggy bottom pants and nike dunks, and so it was a guaranteed success of friendship from the beginning!
So here is to you dear schmones. I love you and am stoked for you!
xo

Reliving the US open 08.

Last year at this time, me and Jonny were walking the streets of NYC and taking in the US open. Man I wish I was there again...